Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
