Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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