when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
