i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Is Oprah even human
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
