he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
