I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
