Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
