my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
