She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
