the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize