You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
