I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
