I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
