Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
