I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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