Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
