It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
