I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize