My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
