Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
