Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
