i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
