Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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