Having a random hookup so left but love u
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
