Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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