ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
In America we eat man semen.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
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