Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
