I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
