Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
