my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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