All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
