mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
