The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
