Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
