Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
