this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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