3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
