you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
