It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
