The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Randomize
