i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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