Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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