Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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