I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
