You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I am naked and annoyed.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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