saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize