Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
