I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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