I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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