he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
