she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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