I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
You can't motorboat a personality
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
