dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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