just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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