I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
