Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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