we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
