I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
