4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
