thus making me awesome and them whores
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
