Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
