I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize