Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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