True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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