she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
