your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
