Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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