I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
